I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
