Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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