are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
