I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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