He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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