I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
