I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
