omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
