i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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