I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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