she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
