Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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