If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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