i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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