dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
