week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
