mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
