You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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