I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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