Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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