He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
