doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
