There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
