I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
