Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think weed is turning my hair brown
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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