so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
