Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How external is "for external use only"?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
