Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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