After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
