You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
