I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
