There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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