I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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