Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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