We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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