My room smells like vodka and shame
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
operation harelip BJ is a go
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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