alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
