Someone shit on the floor
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
