a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
