i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
