can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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