My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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