It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
