i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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