non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
