i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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