I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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