but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
