It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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