yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
