i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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