my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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