I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
