At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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