Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
