I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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