just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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