so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
