if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
