We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
